IDK

For long stretches I didn't know what to believe. For longer stretches I didn't care. Angry. I think I was angry, at least.

I don't know what I did wrong.

I mean that.

I mean, it was just me, not even me, a me that had no concept of what I even was or would be (could be?).

I carry myself differently. Life operates differently for me.

It probably doesn't, but it feels like it does.

Makes me question more, emotions are tsunamis. Burn hotter, feel colder, then it can just kind of shut off for a while (did I shut it off?) and I'm indifferent, living shruggingly.

Then it's time
to feel again.
I can't.
So I push it farther. To turn it back on.

There is no shame because I've done it before.

I want to spare the world my troubles.

I'm scared people hate who I really am.
I'm afraid I hate who I really am.

I'm scared I will never reach my potential.
I'm scared I have no idea what that even is.

I hate that people can say anything.

I'm afraid about people finding out about me writing this...am I?

Maybe I never knew anything.

Maybe that means I'm gonna be okay.